My Mother's Legacy

When I was a child, my mother lived below the poverty line. My parents divorced when I was a year old, and my father was unreliable at best in paying child support. I remember times when my mother was not sure if she would be able to pay the mortgage or buy groceries. I remember one especially cold winter when I had three outfits—one on, one in the wash, and one in the drawer. I was perfectly content with this and thought it was normal until a classmate asked me the perplexing question, “why do you wear the same thing every day?” Life was very lean, but my mother, despite her personal stresses, made do with what we had without ever turning to government assistance, which she would have seen as extremely shameful.

She had one particular habit, however, which shaped my attitude toward finances more than any other. She never, ever, ever neglected to tithe out of whatever income she received, no matter how meager. The full tithe, meaning ten percent of her income, was given away no matter what. She believed unwaveringly that God would be faithful to his promises to Israel when he says:

Malachi 3:10

Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby ^bput me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open ^cthe windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. (ESV)

She frequently reminded me that this was the only place in scripture where God allowed his people to put him to the test. Christ points deliberately to the command NOT to put God to the test when he is tempted in the wilderness by the enemy, but in this passage, God indicates that he will be faithful to his promises when put to this particular test. Indeed, we never went without a meal or clothing, and when my mom worried, she would turn to prayer, and when her prayers were answered, she would repent of her worry. These are my memories of my faithful mother who loved us well and taught us to always trust God in all circumstances.

When I started my first job at the age of 14, I also began the habit of tithing, following her example. I may not have been great in my faith, but I was not willing to risk the potential outcome that neglecting the tithe would bring—God makes it very clear to Israel in the full Malachi passage that neglecting the tithe is “robbing God.” Nevertheless, when young adulthood found me doubting the importance of any life of faith, I found myself in the position of not being able to make ends meet. I was working as a waitress in a diner, and the tips were decent—certainly they should have been enough to keep my car on the road. But one night as I was attempting to balance my bank account, I found that the ends were just not coming together. I spoke to my mother about it and asked her advice. She said, “I don’t want to pry into your personal business, but just out of curiosity, have you been paying your tithe?” My answer, of course, was “no.” She reminded me once again of the promises of God and that he is always faithful when we are faithful. I went back into my bedroom, closed the door, and proceeded to calculate the amount of tithe that I had neglected, and wrote out a check for the amount, leaving less than $10 in my account. I will never forget the feeling of a pit in my stomach, the shame of my conscience having been disciplined, and the worry that God might not actually be there and my tithe was for naught. This was simultaneously paired with the knowledge that I had done the right thing and a massive feeling of relief.

From that time on in my life, I have never not been able to make ends meet, as long as I was faithful to giving God what he asks.

Of course, tithing is not to be done in a legalistic sense, but out of love for God. It is not a formula or a talisman, and in no way resembles “prosperity Gospel.” St. Paul explains it like this,

2 Corinthians 9:6–9

The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. As it is written,

“He has distributed freely, he has given to the poor;

his righteousness endures forever.” (ESV)

When the time came for me to extend the legacy of faith to my own children, I kept the habit of having open conversations with them about money, as my mother did with me; not to worry them, but to teach them financial literacy and stewardship. Early on we taught our kids fiscal responsibility through a small allowance. I taught them to take 10% and set it aside in a box for tithe, 10% for savings, and the rest was theirs to spend or save however they wanted. They usually used it to save up for toys, ice cream, lego sets, or whatever the current currency of childhood was at the moment. They also had generous grandparents who loved to slip cash into their hands when we visited, but when cash happened, the standard was the same for the distribution of the money. Now that they are adults they will undoubtedly have their own moments of questioning whether it is necessary or even reasonable to tithe, but the instruction is there, and I pray they remember it as they make their way in life. My daughter said once without prompting that she is glad I taught her to tithe. When I asked her why, she said in essence that it has taught her that she never experiences lack because she can always afford to give away a portion of what she has. Isn’t that the whole point?

Because it was such a focus within our own home, this habit of tithing is something I thought all Christians naturally practiced, but have been surprised by how infrequently it is actually done. It is not that people don’t give—some, and maybe even many do. I am not in the habit of asking. But when the bookkeeper at our parish indicated that our church, which runs on the most modest budget possible, is behind in contributions at the end of the year, I felt a sense of sadness. Not for the church exactly, but for the people who are missing out on the sense of freedom and incredible blessing that comes from being faithful in giving.

To write about tithing on any level sounds incredibly prideful at worst and preachy at best, but this is not my intention. My desire is to encourage others toward the same blessing and sense of peace that we have experienced from this particular spiritual discipline, which springs from a legacy of my mother’s great faith. We are so incredibly and abundantly blessed, both materially and spiritually. I also write this as a reminder to myself—most of what I possess I do not need. Much of what I own is purely a lifestyle choice. I have been given enough to live a comfortable life, and there is much that I could do without.

As I closed out one budget and opened another for the new year, I found myself reflecting on Christ’s interactions with the one we call the “Rich Young Man” who asked how to obtain eternal life

Mark 10:17–27

The Rich Young Man

And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’” And he said to him, “Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth.” And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

And Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How difficult it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!” And the disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said to them again, “Children, how difficult it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” And they were exceedingly astonished, and said to him, “Then who can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” (ESV)

It seems to me that Christ, in his love for this young man, was calling the him to loosen his grip on the one thing he felt he could not do without. He invited him to follow him—to become a disciple and fellow sufferer, but he just couldn’t do it and went away sad. Every time I read the story I feel his grief and wonder if he ever looked back with regrets and changed his mind, or if he became bitter and proud and resistant to the Gospel of Christ. He could have been one of Christ’s close followers! It wasn’t the riches that were the problem—it was his earthly desires. He wanted to inherit eternal life, but he didn’t want to part with the things of earth. The widow who gave out of her poverty was more free than the man who had great riches.

Mark 12:41–44

The Widow’s Offering

And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” (ESV)

Christ is not calling us all to abandon our stations and live as monastics, though that is a noble and high calling. What He is calling us to do is to give out of our poverty, whether that be the poverty of circumstance, or poverty of spirit or some combination of the two. It is a call to radical trust—Do we trust Him to keep his promises to us, that he would open the windows of heaven and pour out blessing upon us when we act in obedience and faithfulness? Can we trust his blessings to be what He bestows and not what we believe they should be? Remember, He did not promise that Peter would have a life of ease because he recognized him as God—rather he foretold that he would be led away to a place he did not wish to go, but Peter, unlike the rich young man, perceived that parting company with Christ and living without Him was more costly and dangerous than parting with his fishing business. That ability to turn into the wind and abandon everything with only the promise of life with Christ was what separated the apostles from everyone else. It is tempting to say, “Well, of course, Jesus was God and His call would have been impossible to resist,” but in the case of the rich young man, we see that this is certainly not the case. Christ called him to exactly the same thing as Peter, James, and John, but this young man was bound to the things of Earth. Does this mean that he is now living in eternal torment? I don’t think so, only because it says that Jesus loved him, and later, that all things are possible with God. We do not know the end of his story. But sadly, what we also do not know is his name. We do not see him among the ranks of the Saints or venerate his icon. He is significant to us as a cautionary tale.

We ought to grieve for the rich young man’s loss, understanding that Christ calls each of us to follow him in radical trust with all that we are, even to the point of material poverty or loss of life. But first, maybe we could just carve out ten percent of what we have and let it go.

At the start of the new year, I hope to further reflect on the areas in which Christ would ask me to loosen my grip and trust him at a deeper level. The cost of discipleship is high, and it is hard to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner.

*In loving memory of my mom, Floydie Sabo (1934-2014). May her memory be eternal.